Friday, April 28, 2017

X-Men Issue 22 - Divided We Fall

Will the X-Men get to go on vacation this issue?

No, no they will not.

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The X-Men are back in the danger room, where Professor X has cooked up a new challenge for the team.  Since their last couple of fights have been against giant robots, Professor X made a giant freaking robot for them to fight.  He gives them five minutes to defeat said robot otherwise they fail the challenge...and...I guess feel bad that they failed.  I doubt anything bad would ever happen if they failed a challenge, I mean with the exception of Cyclops probably wanting to commit seppuku.

The clock starts and the battle begins.  The X-Men quickly learn that they need to work as a team as their individual attacks are easily thwarted by Colosso the robot.  PS - I love that Professor X names the robot trying to kill his team.  In all honesty he should have named it like Robot 1, or even X-Death or something rad.  Colosso sounds too personal, like he became attached to this robot.

Anyway - so the X-Men are fighting Colosso, and it manages to lift up Marvel Girl and Cyclops.  Luckily Cyclops noticed all these flashing lights when it moved to grab them, and he deduces that it has sensors in it which they can block.

Huzzah - the X-Men win again.

So - let's just take a quick tangent here because there has been something I've been avoiding posting about for pretty much every issue, and honestly this issue is kinda "meh" so we'll finally address this because it's only going to get worse.

So Cyclops loves Marvel Girl, and Marvel Girl loves Cyclops, but there's this whole impending 13 Reasons  Why vibe coming off of them.  Like one day Cyclops is going to wake up to Marvel Girl being dead and he's going to have all these reel-to-reel tapes to listen to.

Pretty much from issue 1 the two have been in love with one another, but we only know about it because of their thought bubbles.  Everything always comes down to Jean thinking "Oh Scott, if only you knew how I felt about you!" and then Scott thinks "I can never let her know I love her because my eyes can destroy her".  On and on and on the wheel of whatever this is spins.

Throw into the mix that Angel is pursuing Jean hard.  Like real hard.  He wants a piece.  Jean humors him (aka let's him drive her around and buy her stuff) while she just mopes around pining after Scott.  It kinda gets a little overblown this issue and it's just written so that every time I read it I just say "ugh here we go" to this whole romance that isn't a romance but they want it to be a romance.

Long story short, Scott needs to man the hell up, write Jean a letter that says "Do you like me circle yes or no" and then Jean can circle the word "OR" and we can continue this cycle.

I mean I get it.  They are teenagers.  Teenage love is super annoying, so I guess they definitely got the annoying part right.  That's all I'm going to say about this until the next time it gets out of hand.  Just remember, Scott love Jean, Jean love Scott, they will never tell (at least not until the late 80s).

So because they defeat a robot, Professor X, for like the fourth time, tries to give them a vacation.

Like always, Hank and Bobby go out to Greenwich Village to see their "gals" they are kind of dating.

Jean and Warren go to dinner before they are about to head home.

Scott gets a hotel room in New York for 2 weeks because he has nowhere to go (seriously), but he also decided to butt in on Jean and Warren's dinner first.

As Scott is walking around the park because he has nothing to do, he sees Marvel Girl flying over the treetops into the park, then vanishes.

Jean hears a news report that a flying X-Man was spotted, and she knows that she and Warren are the only two that can fly, so she decides to check it out.  Voila, she ends up in the park and get's captured.

Hank and Bobby hear the news, and Hank decides he'll Beast up and go inspect things further.  He tells Bobby to make an excuse for him and he heads to the park.  Voila, he ends up captured.

Warren is driving and he hears a news report about X-Men in the park, then he sees he body double and, you guessed it, voila he get's captured.

Bobby is now seriously worried about his friends.  He hears the news report and heads to the park.  He sees Cyclops and they get into a small fight with The Eel and The Unicorn...but voila, they get captured.

Professor X is too busy to help the team because he is at home sulking about being crippled (seriously).

The X-Men are loaded up onto a boat and taken to an island where they are held prisoner by a man named Count Nefaria - Master of Images.  Count Nefaria is looking to have the X-Men team up with his gang, the Maggia, so that they can reclaim their former glory.

The X-Men deny his request so he leaves them shackled in a dungeon.  The last panel we see of him he is looking at a screen with a crosshair aimed directly on the capitol building in Washington D.C.

So quickly - because this story is so boring I didn't really explain who the X-Men are fighting.  So The Maggia are a villainous team who apparently fought, and lost, to Iron Man.  The members of the group (from left to right) are Scarecrow, Porcupine, Count Nefaria, The Plantman, The Eel, and The Unicorn.  (Do you see why I'm glossing over this issue?)

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